More Modeling Pics

Whitney Lewis is AMAZING thats all I have to say right now.

Jiu-jitsu, pointe shoes and soreness

I am so incredibly sore! Jiu-jitsu was so much fun. I mean.. getting up at five to roll around on the floor with some incredibly hot boys.. :] I don't have a problem. My pointe shoes came today and I love them. My abs (and my legs and my back and my arms and my boob muscles) are so sore I couldn't get en pointe! Oh well, give it a few weeks when I'm used to being tied into a pretzel then using my nonexistant abs to get up and throw the other person. I'll be fine then. Well I'm in bed because my mom found me sleeping on the floor and pretty much forced me to. lol I have a story about Joe, but it can wait until tomorrow. I'm tired. Peace y'all!

Babies, Texas and Decisions

Hi!! This weekend was eventful... to say the least! So, lets start with Friday! I'm going to be a total cheese and put some of mine and Joe's note on here. Well, at least the part I liked the most.

Joe: So could you be me up, I'm kinda imtimidated. Would you play nice?
Me: If I wanted to I could have you on your butt before you realized what was going on.
Joe: Nice.. I'll have to just treat you like a princess and not ever get on your bad side. You should show me your skills sometime.


So thats all fine and dandy. So Saturday rolls around and I go to SLC with Sarah, Kandy and Kjersta. For some unknown reason I called Tristram (ex boy/fiance person). We ended up meeting him and baby Amaris at the Wingers in Lehi. He's divorced now, and I got to do the "I told you so" dance. Problem is.. I still love him, and I probably always will. I've pretended to more or less hate him for so long I forgot why I even started doing that. I told him that Amaris should've been mine, and he said he wishes she was. I love that little girl. She's nine months old and just the cutest little thing. I'm taking pictures of her on Wednesday. But.. Tristram more or less said that he wanted me back (Well he said he was scared to ask). We sat outside my house talking until about four in the morning.. Amaris was sleeping on me.. I could've held her all night. She smells just like a little baby. Which she should but. .yeah.. I'm so confused.. I don't even know what to do. I know I don't want to make a decision now, I'll regret that more than anything. I wish I could see what would happen if I choose a certain way, then I'd know if I'd be making the right decision. I guess time is the best thing I can do right now.. give it lots of time... and not make any rash decisions..

Dixie Chicks, Astronomy, and Texas

Today I took pictures of Kjersta to prove that she is photogenic. Well, I'm pretty sure we proved it.

I rediscovered the Dixie Chicks. I remember how much I loved them growing up. Especially the song "Cowboy Take Me Away" I've always wanted a Texas boy, and today I found one! His name is Joe and he's from Texas! He's 6'9"!!! And he asked for my number :] He's been texting me when he can, he's on his way to Moab. Moab=terrible cell service, awesome photos. He usually sits next to me in Astronomy. Good thing I went to class today. It was super fun, writing notes back and forth like we were ten. It was so much fun!! So I started learning some new songs on my gee-tar. I've missed playing it. Right now I'm working on Dream by Priscilla Ahn. but I'm going to get back to it so I can be awesome!

Abandonment

How great is it that I feel like my best friend has totally abandoned me? I guess its not . But.. is it really that bad to want to mean something.. anything.. to someone?her fault she dating a totally jerk.. I used to like him if that counts for anything.. He was such a jerk at the zoo!! He purposely made me feel like crap. He embarrassed me in front of James by telling him that I liked him and stuff.. WHO DOES THAT!

The worst part is that I'm actually considering Casey's attention isn't that bad. When really he only pays attention to me for one reason and one reason only.. Am I that desperate to have someone actually care about me? Even if it doesn't mean anything? wow.. that is pathetic.. but is it really that bad to want to mean something.. anything.. to someone? Wow.. reading over this it makes me realize just how pathetic I sound, all I do on here is whine about guys. Seriously!! But all I ever hear about is how I need to find a boyfriend and get married and make babies. It starts to get to you after awhile. I know my mom is kidding half the time, and she just really wants me to be happy and stuff.. but yeah... its getting to me.. I want something real, something that means something.. I can't handle this stupid dating stuff. Its full of empty promises and almost always end in some sort of pain. I have a another great song for today. Its "Dream" by Priscilla Ahn. Alot of the time I feel like that.. "Hey guys! Guess what! I had a dream too!"

Is it strange that I just want everything to work out? I don't want to have to put effort into relationships. I want life to be easy and simple. I don't want to have to worry about money or school or food. I want to be able to dance with the Russian Ballet Company and the American Ballet Company and not have them tell me to lose weight because I'm beautiful the way I am. Is it wrong to want something so bad it makes you hurt? I'll do anything to achive my dream.. except become one of those girls who wont eat, just to look thin.. I don't want to give up who I am for something I could be.

Homework, portraits and rambling

Today I took portraits for Jo and Doug Julian, Doug did not want his picture taken. As you can see.

While Jo on the other hand looks absolutely stunning, if I do say so myself.

So, I'm supposed to be doing my homework right now. I'm supposed to read this article called 'iGod' and I really don't like it. Its pointless and its giving me a headache! ugh! I think I overworked my brain. At least I'll see super hot boy tomorrow in English. I FINISHED MY HW!!! Finally.. 15 printed pages later and Voila! C'est Fin!! K.. I'm losing my mind!! School is totally stressing me out! At least my stupid english class is. I really don't understand why we have to type out everything, including any notes we took during class.

I heard the most amazing song today, it's called "Johnny and June" by Heidi Newfield. I really want to have someone like that.. lol Like Johnny and June Cash. I put the song on my little playlist on the bottom of my blog.

Here are the lyrics, they'll be my quote for today.

Oh there's something 'bout a man in black

Makes me want to buy a cadillac,

Throw the top back

And roll down to Jackson town

I wanna be there on the stage with you

You and I could be the next rage, too

Hear the crowd roar,

Make 'em want more,

I'll kick the footlights out

I wanna love like Johnny and June

Rings of fire burnin' with you

I wanna walk the line,

Walk the line,

'Till the end of time

I wanna love,

Love ya that much

Cash it all in,

Give it all up,

And when you're gone

I wanna go, too

Like Johnny and June

I wanna hold you baby right or wrong

Build a world around a country song

Pray a sweet prayer,

Follow you there,

Down in history

I wanna love like Johnny and June

Rings of fire burnin' with you

I wanna walk the line,

Walk the line,

'Till the end of time

I wanna love,

Love ya that much,

Cash it all in,

Give it all up,

And when you're gone

,I wanna go, too

Like Johnny and June

Like Johnny and June

More than life itself

No-one else

This endless promise

They don't make love like that anymore

Is that too much to be askin' for?

I wanna love like Johnny and June

Rings of fire burnin' with you

I wanna walk the line,

Walk the line,

'Till the end of timeI wanna love,

Love ya that much

Cash it all in,

Give it all up,

And when you're gone,

I wanna go, too

Like Johnny and June

Like Johnny and June

And when there gonna be no tears to cry,

Only memories of our lives,

They'll remember, remember

A love like that.

Is it weird that I just want that? More than anything? In institute today we had another speach on getting married, making babies and such. For the first time I didn't want to walk out on it. I actually realized that maybe I shouldn't be pushing to get into principle dance positions, but at the same time if I don't i'll hate the 'what if' that will be hanging over my head for the rest of my life. I'm applying/auditioning for the American Ballet Companies Summer Intensive program. I really want to make it, and it'll give me a chance to grow up a little bit. Idk... I just hate that everyone around me is getting married and having kids. I feel like I'm missing out on this amazing thing. It almost like I gave it up for dance, except really.. I didn't. Ballet is my sad excuse for not having a life.. I can stop dancing anytime, I swear..

I found an awesome quote that I'm going to put in here

"There are... so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification."

Isn't this amazing.. It's one of the few things that stood out to me in Institute today. For taking a class on family history we sure do hear alot about getting married and dating.. Another awesome quote this one is from Elder Russel M. Nelson

"Throughout my life, I have answered to many titles, including doctor, captian, professor, and elder. But the titles I revere most are those of husband, father, and grandfather..."

Whitney Lewis Photography

I modeled for Whitney Lewis a few weeks ago. She is an amazing photographer! I'm so glad I had the chance to work with her.

Thoughts for the day..

My pointe shoes I just ordered!!! SO EXCITED!! Ok, but moving on to my thoughts for the day:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others."
This quote is so amazing. It just opened my eyes! I just changed my major to Dance Education/Ballet. I have never felt like I've been doing something right like I do now!! :) I ordered my leotards!
"Because he's been a major part in your life, of course you're going to miss him. It's perfectly normal. It's like getting a tooth pulled out, after the dentist pulls it out you're relived. But how many times does your tongue run over itself over the spot where the tooth once was? probably one hundred times a day. just because it wasn't hurting you doesn't mean you didn't notice it. It leaves a gap and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It's going to take a while, but it takes time. Should you have kept that tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it is going to hurt."
Story of my life! Break ups suck don't they? But they don't have to be the end of the world. I'm just glad I have awesome friends that don't let me get down about the stupid stuff. Today has pretty much sucked though.. I want to find my penguin.. My little sister and my best friend are both getting married, along with everyone and their DOG! I kinda feel left out, I can't even get a date! Its not cool. Maybe I just want to get on with my life. So, Taylor, super hot guy in my English class, sat next to me again and asked if I wanted to be his partner for peer reviews. (AGAIN!!) This is so cool! He might just end up being my friend but seriously.. there are so many other girls that are even prettier than me.. but he asked me! :) So mabye I'm not as bad looking (with a sinus infection) as I thought. :)