I've known how to pray my whole life, its the first thing my parents taught me after I could actually make some sort of speaking noise. I guess its another thing that I have always taken for granted. Today I had the strangest idea while I was sitting in the shower. Well, my best ideas always happen in the shower. Anyway, I decided to kneel down in the shower and pray. The sound of the water was loud enough that nothing else could distract me from what I was doing. It was the most peaceful and calming experience of my life. I have always been a sucker for the sound of running water, but this was something different. I remembered what Kwj. Richard said to me on my first informal rank test. He looked me in the eye and said,
"It isn't enough just to pray, Laura, you have to mean it. You have to ponder on it; you need to meditate upon what you are asking. Meditation is such a vital part of Martial Arts, because it helps you prepare mentally for what you are going to go through physically. I know you're scared, but thinking about being scared isn't going to help. Think about pushing through, perservering, no matter how big or scary the problem is. Let go of all of the bad things and focus on the good. Only you can change who you are, and I believe in you."
Thinking back on what he said made me realize that for a long time I had done what he told me to, I didn't just pray I meditated on my prayers. I made sure that my plan of action was what God wanted me to do. Somewhere in the last few months I lost that. I stopped meditating on everything, and with that fear snuck in. I was scared of EVERYTHING! I can't believe it took Joe leaving me to realize something like that.. I know what I have to do, and I've known all along. Sometimes I just forget. I can't remember the last time that I felt this sweet feeling of knowing that no matter what happens everything will be just fine. I might not like it, but thats ok. No one ever said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.
